(Freya-dæg) Titans Clash, Movies Crash

Introduction
Plot Summary
The Good
The Bad
Judgment
Closing

{Bubo the mechanical owl's cameo - utterly pointless or an affectionate nod the 1981 original if you've seen it. Image from Poop Creek, Oregon}

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Introduction

Clash of the Titans is a rather curious movie. Definitely all Hollywood with its CGI and key male-demographic-type writing, but before judgment is made, let's weigh its case.

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Plot Summary

After the gods won a war with the titans, their parents, one of the gods (Zeus, Liam Neeson) makes humanity so that their prayers can power the gods' immortality. However, humanity eventually gets frustrated with the gods' unresponsiveness and decides that it would be better off without them.

Enter the movie's hero, Perseus (Sam Worthington), the son of Zeus and the unnamed wife of Acrisius, erstwhile king of Argos. Acrisius is virulently anti-gods, so when he finds out that his son is Zeus' he demands that both his "befouled" wife and his bastard son be killed. But Perseus survives and is raised by a foster family of humble profession (fisherman).

Perseus winds up back in Argos where he meets Andromeda, hears Hades (Ralph Fiennes) threaten the city with the kraken because of the queen Cassiopeia's boasting of Andromeda's beauty, and winds up looking for a way to defeat the kraken. He's helped along his way by a cast of characters, including a mysterious woman named Io (Gemma Arterton) who has watched over him from his youth. Perseus succeeds, Andromeda is saved, and he becomes king, though he refuses to indulge his divine nature by joining Zeus in Olympus.

To its credit, the movie's plot follows the original myth of Perseus and Andromeda more or less properly. Aside from some details, the biggest change is that Perseus relies much less on divine help in the film. Names are also changed, mostly for the convenience of pronunciation and coherency, I imagine. After all, how can an audience member be expected to make out ancient Greek names over the sound of themselves chewing handfuls of popcorn?

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The Good

Although they aren't strong enough to carry the movie alone, this flick puts forth two good characters.

Perseus himself is interesting because he isn't just some "chosen one" who struggles with his being chosen, but he actively works to do as much as he can "as a man" - refusing to take advantage of his divinity. When he does take advantage of that side of his nature, he doesn't exactly go through a conflict of conscience, but, the movie deserves some points for effort. Especially since main characters in this genre have a tendency toward a flatness that rivals a carpenter's level on an empty office desk.

The other character worth watching for is Io. Although her back story is altered from her myth, she's still given one, and one that acknowledges the rapacious nature of the gods. As Perseus' guide throughout much of the adventure she's fairly well-defined and *spoilers* when she's killed */spoilers* it comes as a real blow.

This impact comes because Io's one of the more developed characters in the movie and partially because there's not much else with the depth of her relationship with Perseus. Unfortunately, this impact is practically reversed when Zeus himself reverses her story's twist at the end of the movie.

Since Immortals is a movie in a similar vein, though for whatever reason not in as rich a portion of that vein, as Clash of the Titans, it's also to this movie's credit that it outdoes Immortals in two key areas.

First, Clash of the Titans acknowledges the fact that the gods are the titans' children, and accurately shows the kinds of mythological dealings that go on between the gods themselves. Second, Clash of the Titans is superbly lit. Rather than every scene being dark and drear with lots of grays and browns and blacks, this movie has bright forests, a dank underworld, and a shimmering Olympus.

The idea that prayers feed the gods' immortality is cool, and its nicely complemented by Hades' being fed by humanity's fear.

The animations that accompany Hades are also really well done - from his smoky black wings, to the blue flames that take over the regular orange ones when he enters a fire-lit room.

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The Bad

However, the animation falls apart elsewhere. The giant scorpion monsters that Perseus and his friends fight, for example, look like they're green screened in at some points - they look like they're separate from the actors rather than interacting with them. Likewise, the Stygian Witches' shared eye, looks less like a goopy orb than it does a ball of organized white, red, and black yarn.

The movie's plot offers nothing new, and though it's expansive scope puts it on par with John Carter, Clash of the Titans falls short of really having much "pulp appeal."

The major reason for this lack is the movie's utter failure to make us care about princess Andromeda. She's seen giving Perseus some water, giving some bread to the poor, and being chained up for the kraken to snack on, and that's it. While Perseus is off questing for a way to beat the kraken, shouldn't she be talking about her imminent death with her father? Maybe the unnamed religious fanatic could have some interaction with her?

Moreover, in Hades' original threat, the kraken isn't what needs to be sacrificed to, the kraken is what comes if there is no sacrifice. Hanging Andromeda out for the kraken just as the beast is lurching from the sea should only be putting a tidbit out for it before it gorges itself on the city.

In fact, that is the movie's biggest failing. The fate of Argos hangs in the balance, but the audience is given no real reason to care if Argos is destroyed or not, and further, if Andromeda is eaten or not.

Too much time is spent with Perseus and his companions on their journey and not nearly enough is spent back at the city with the princess. While they're on the road, Perseus and his gang hardly even talk about Argos - there isn't even a line like "What was life like back in Argos?" or "Why's King Kepheus so eager to turn away from the gods?"

Perseus is as much of an outsider as we are, and yet he seems entirely indifferent about the place that he's saving. As such, the audience can't help but follow suit.

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Judgment

Clash of the Titans has slick production values and is acted like your standard episode of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, but the story’s cast of characters is like that in a big old RPG. However, unlike classic console RPGs that have characters and story going for them, Clash of the Titans has neither. Not consistently anyway.

The plot is poorly constructed, and aside from the slight variation in Perseus' character from other "chosen ones" and the interesting portrayal of Io, the movie really has nothing to offer but a few cool pieces of animation, refreshingly varied lighting, and a neat explanation of the purpose of prayer.

Unfortunately, even if these details were laid on an altar and ritualistically burned, no god's wrath would be appeased. So, Freya, fly high, and worry not about this one, though it offers a pretty face and mesmerizing eyes, its arms are weak and its purpose flabby. There are better picks for film Valhalla.

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Closing

Keep an eye (or both) on this blog - next Monday it'll host a logical look at wind power in Ontario, Wednesday there'll be a blog entry on the newest news, and on Friday a write-up on the good in The Darkest Hour will be up for the reading.

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[Freya-dæg] All the Pomp of Ancient Immortals, but Chaotic Beneath

Intro
Plot Summary
The Bad
The Good
Judgment
Closing

Intro

Immortals is one of those movies that comes along every now and then with quite a bit of promise. Not necessarily promise to revive the sword and sandal genre or to deliver a stunning story that will have people talking for years. But with the promise of maybe marrying visuals to story in a way that transcends the action genre in the same way that a band like Rhapsody of Fire transcends the label "symphonic metal."

A promise of heavy action, dark and high fantasy elements, and cheesy fetch-quest/macguffin-driven epic stories that are fully enjoyable because they're just so earnest.

However, like a Roman (or a modern) senator, Immortals doesn't come close to fulfilling this promise. Rotten Tomatoes' critics definitely agree, having awarded the movie a 37%, and audiences are eying the fence since their legs are tired - but not that tired - having given it a 52%.

The story of Immortals can't entirely be blamed for this, it's so run-of-the-mill you can't really pin a "good" or "bad" label on it.

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Plot Summary

Hyperion (played by Mickey Rourke) seeks to revive the Titans who were defeated by the Gods in a great war before history began. To succeed in his plan, he needs a weapon called the Epirus Bow, but it has been lost. So, in his search for it he has - quite cleverly - "moved every precious stone you people worship upon."

Meanwhile, a young man named Theseus (Henry Cavill) grows up in a small village. The village is attacked, he's taken as a slave (to "work in the salt mines") and while in the slave train he meets the oracle Phaedra (the lovely Freida Pinto). They break free along with a tongueless monk, a thief, and another, and then they start to quest about for the bow.

Spoilers start here.

Theseus finds the bow in his village's crypt after returning there to bury his mother. Somehow Hyperion gets a hold of it, and then Theseus and his gang head out to meet the Greek (?) forces that are about to face Hyperion at Mount Tartarus, where the Titans are bound. They arrive just in time and Theseus rallies the troops against Hyperion. But Hyperion frees the Titans, at which point the Gods appear. Gods fight Titans. Men fight men. And Theseus defeats Hyperion. The whole mountain collapses, and we're shown that Theseus and Phaedra had a son.

Generic plot aside, what's so bad about this movie? Like Poseidon plummeting into the sea to cause a tidal wave - let's dive right in.

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The Bad

The biggest problem that the movie has is that major plot points are obscured by action sequences. It's not that you're left reeling after an action sequence and can't take in what's happening in the plot as a result, but rather that major plot points tend to happen *during* the action. And they can be hard to pick out.

For example, when Theseus and co. break free from the slave train, I had no idea how they did it - some sort of brouhaha broke out and then in the next scene they're in some room. And when the Epirus bow is stolen in the middle of a later action sequence, it just appears with Hyperion a few scenes later. A henchman must have run off with the bow in the confusion of the skirmish, but this isn't a video game, and so letting the viewer share in the confusion of battle isn't a good thing.

Further, just who is fighting who is really unclear.

Hyperion, all around creep-tastic badass, is the villain. And Rourke plays this role excellently. Even if he does look like something you might want to trap in a ball and force to fight for you.

{Image made by Enthorn, found at Cheezburger.com)}

But who are the good guys?

Anonymous "Greek" soldiers in period garb I guess. Maybe the Greeks as a whole? Or the "Hellenics" as the gods refer to the humans that are fighting against Hyperion. But just who the good guys are is never made clear. Placing the story in 1200 BC is kind of clever though - a time that's far removed from ours, but not as distant as, say, 10 000 BC. So allegiances and who did what and all of those silly "details" can more or less be ignored.

Plot problems aside, the action of the movie is also lacking.

In fact, this movie commits the greatest (and maybe oldest) action movie sin.

In the first real action scene with Theseus pitted against Hyperion's men, we see a line - a single-file line! - of Hyperion's men running at and attacking our hero without breaking formation. And that's practically the whole sequence. But even worse is when Theseus fights the minotaur in the crypt.

After having knocked Theseus around a bit, the minotaur goes up some stairs to a landing and then pulls Theseus' prone and weakened body up to the same level.

Then the minotaur stands there. And stands there.

And vaguely waves around his club.

And then he stands some more - waiting until Theseus gets up.

There's a solid six second gap between the minotaur's pulling him up and Theseus' counter-attack. Six seconds in which the minotaur could have ended this movie. But nope. For some reason he waits patiently while Theseus collects himself, grabs a shard of something and then slices his tendons. Yeah. Well. Minotaurs are only intelligent in science fiction re-tellings, it seems.

Moving onto the quest item at the movie's center, there are some major issues with it as well.

The fact that the Epirus Bow is found not in some distant shrine, but a pile of rubble in the crypt of Theseus' village makes it clear that the movie's creators desperately wanted a video game tie-in. As if the action sequences aren't hint enough.

Granted, a bow that makes its own arrows when you draw it is pretty cool - but just happening to stumble upon it like that? I'm sort of surprised that the bow wasn't Theseus' conscience or something along those lines, but then, that would be far too deep.

And deep thought is definitely not something to apply to this movie.

After all, if you look for them, the messages of the movie aren't entirely clear.

War is bad because you need to fight for the right reasons, and one of those reasons is to defend the weak. So, then, might, so long as it's in defense of "the weak," makes right?

The gods don't listen to people's prayers because Zeus has a strict non-interference policy in place, but the actions of a human can restore Zeus' faith in people? So the gods work as long as people believe in them? Curiously undercutting religion, but simultaneously supporting it.

Theseus seems adrift and uncertain, but then the bow makes him believe that there are indeed gods and he becomes focused and true? So religion is necessary to have a meaningful purpose?

All of these can be found in the movie, and all of them are kind of odd. But the strangest of all comes when Lysander, a soldier whom Theseus dishonored, reveals that Theseus is the child of rape.

That Theseus is believed to be the child of rape is troubling because he is both the hero, and, at least according to the original myth, the son of Zeus.

Now, Zeus is into some freaky stuff, but I don't think gang-rape (which Lysander mildly implies) was ever something he did. Sex up a woman while in the form of an ox? Sure. Appear to a woman as a shower of gold? Okay. Ravish a young boy (in both senses of the word) so he can be your heavenly cup-bearer? That gets another one of Zeus' thumbs-up.

Aside from this inaccuracy, Theseus' parentage is troubling because it suggests an oddly pro-life message. It's never mentioned in this movie (but might be in a sequel, if there ever is such a thing), but if series canon is that Zeus is Theseus' father, then you could interpret that as saying that children of rape are gifts from the god(s).

But it's just a flashy Hollywood action flick, right? It doesn't really have any messages, right?

Stepping away from the issue of Theseus' origins, let's look at his character.

Does anyone know the Ancient Greek form of the name "Stu"? Because Theseus is as flawless as Parian marble. Sure he has a hot temper, but that only flares up when he's "defending his loved ones." He's got Larry-Stu written all over him.

The only other character of note is the oracle that breaks out of the slave train with Theseus. Her character is fine throughout most of the movie, pretty standard strong-willed woman with an important social role stuff.

But Theseus drops a line about her special gift of prophecy being more of a curse than a blessing. Then he goes down to bury his mom, comes back, and she lets him deflower her.

As a virgin oracle this is supposed to release her from her power, but as the rest of the movie suggests, she keeps her powers anyway - even passing them onto the son she has at the movie's end.

Phaedra's giving up her power of prophecy so easily is poor writing. Not because she doesn't lose them after having sex as the world of the movie suggests will happen, but because she doesn't go through any major struggle to reach her decision to lose her powers.

We see her in one scene and she seems vaguely thoughtful about Theseus' calling her gift a curse. We see her again, minutes later, and she gives it up. Bad character writing of a high caliber, this is.

Another quibble, and this time with the movie as a whole, is that it is dim. Just like in countless 20th century movies set in the middle ages, everything seems darker than it ought to be. Maybe the sense that's being conveyed here is that the movie's action takes place at the "dawn of time" but that's a figurative expression, not a literal one. Especially on a small screen, so much darkness makes it difficult to actually see a lot of the movie's detail.

Now, to the movie's credit, there are some good things in it, too.

And no, they aren't just limited to Rourke's Hyperion, originator of such gems as:

{Original image from Parimal M. Rohit's Buzzine interview with Mickey Rourke.}

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The Good

Theseus' own philosophy is definitely a good one - "deeds are eternal, not the flesh." Better to do great deeds than have a lot of kids. Definitely. This is also something found throughout heroic literature, from Hercules to Beowulf and back again.

And, though the movie thoroughly goes in the opposite direction, the attempt to class it up by quoting Socrates at the beginning is a nice touch. And the choice of quotes is obviously appropriate.

Plus, there are sequences where the characters actually talk in what sounds like Ancient Greek.

And even on the small screen, the visuals are compelling. Especially the final mass battle scene, which is also well choreographed.

And...uh.

Well, that's it, really. There's not too much more that's actually really all that good about the movie.

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Judgment

Immortals' plot is poorly told, despite its simplicity. The action choreography is poorly executed in all of the small scale fights. The characters are flat for the most part. The motivation of Hyperion is just that he lost faith after the gods let his wife and son die of disease. The fact that the Titans seem to be leopard-skinned pig men who can only grunt goes unexplained.

Zeus, Poseidon, Athena, and two other gods being the only ones in Olympus makes for a seriously dull bunch of deities. Granted, Zeus realizing that his isolationist policy is mistaken is at least a nice nod to the fallible Zeus of myth. But the absence of Hera, and especially Kronos, the Greek gods' father and king of the Titans, is far too conspicuous to let pass.

Weighing the good against the bad, this movie can hardly stand.

In it there's promise of a great story told in an over the top way, but the plot is too much like a video game's, leaving you with the sense that "you just had to be there" to really get it.

The effects are pretty, but a sword and sandals movie with gods and ultimate evils and big bads that just has effects is like a Rhapsody of Fire song that just has guitar shredding and a strings section but no lyrics.

A good action plot doesn't need to be something out of Dickens or Orwell, but it should be good - the kind of thing you could sing along to when no-one's looking if it was a song. But if Immortals was a song, it'd be one that you wouldn't want to sing even if you were entirely alone, faced only by your own reflection.

So, Freya, leave this one where it lay. But, maybe take its jeweled sword or diamond encrusted plate armor - it has no further use for either.

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Closing

Did you think that the Immortals was more than just another action movie? Or was it worse than being Socrates and having your wife dump a chamberpot on your head? Feel free to express your own thoughts on Immortals in the comments below.

And check back next week for the start of a series on freelance writing, an article about a topic yet to be announced, and an attempt to find some good in Battlefield Earth - a film that Rotten Tomatoes' critics gave a whopping 2% and that audiences gave 17%. But, even in the worst of films there's some good to be found. The question is: is there enough?

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